Competition

“The veritable competition never was, never is and never will be between you and another person. It is, au fond, all about ‘actual you’ versus ‘potential you’. Remember! In this game, you are either ahead of the curve or you are a diamond in the rough; and in both instances you do not draw to a close until victory is yours.” 

The Little Mermaid, MMXVII

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year 2017!

Warm greetings to my most cherished fellow friends out there! Yeah, I know it’s been a while but quite understandably, we are in the gleeful period of December and as most of you, I’m teeming with things to fix..to polish off..to start..This is my last piece of writing for 2016 and I thought there could be no better way to wind-up the year than to indite a personal post. It’s gonna be fun, isn’t it?

Now enough about me, let’s get back to you. How’s the Yuletide season treating you? What have you guys been upto lately? Please share your thrilling adventures with all of us. Don’t forget! A joy shared is a joy doubled. On my side, the past fortnight was hectic. It’s still comparable to a Piccadilly Circus at my place. Some major renovation works are in progress and to be frank, if I got a dollar for every little donkey work that I’m performing, I’d already be a billionaire. This is the time of the year when it seems like you can’t go anywhere in your house without somebody recognizing you and giving you some household chores to do. Geez! Can you relate, also? Yet, I can’t continue to grouch because December is a special month for oh so many reasons. There’s a unique kind of feel in the atmosphere. December brings with it an ebullient joie de vivre, paralleled by a relaxed conviviality of togetherness among family and friends. Even Mother Nature cannot resist its impish charms; as we marvel at the delightful blossom of the flamboyant trees all around the island. It rains interesting festivals, pleasurable activities, delectable food and whatnot. Speaking candidly, I wish December came twelve times a year!

Besides revelling in the splendour of the jaunty merrymaking, I’ve been doing some introspective cogitation about my life, particularly mulling over my New Year’s resolutions and plans. Okay! I must confess-I don’t always stick to these and I know I’m not alone. Then why bother? Well, New Year’s resolutions are all about hopefulness and it’s been that way since forever. Personally, I make resolutions as a ritual to welcome the upcoming year on a positive note. Experts contend that if you publicly share your resolutions, you are letting others be aware of your goals and once you’ve involved others, you are more likely to take steps to achieve them. A few of my general resolutions include: to travel abroad solo, to earn more, to start a new hobby such as gardening, to sustain my healthy habits and to meet new people. Last but not the least, I pledge to blog more frequently and more consistently. The blogosphere is an amazing world full of wonderful folk and I’m excited to associate with each and every one of you. (This is a bit unrealistic, but nevermind!) And what are your New Year’s resolutions?

Furthermore, I want to seize this fine opportunity to express my heartfelt thanks and sincere appreciation to you, 2600 lovely individuals for continually encouraging and inspiring me in my creative endeavours. MERCI! I founded this blog in January and I’ve never looked back. I admit that I do not post very often but the unfailing love and generous support I have constantly received since the beginning is the reason I promise to be more active next year. I’ve come across a lot of incredible humans who enjoy the same passion as I do, who are working relentlessly to make this planet a better place to live in and who are impressive stars in their own right. Here, I’d take a moment to give a shout-out to Aquileana, Doctor Jonathan, Migueltio, Anne and Rich. Dear friends, you must have noticed-I’m neither into uploading ten posts per day and garnering one hundred likes per blog nor amassing thousands of followers. However, I’m very much into developing a meaningful relationship with you through my writing. I want to connect with you on a deeper level because you are worth a lot more than being just a random liker and a mere commentator. I value you as a person. I’m here to listen to you at your lowest, to laugh with you and to lift you up to your highest. This explains why you’ll find short blogs benignly deluged with lengthy comments. Haha! I feel blessed with your virtual friendship and I hope it only grows stronger through the years. I love you all to the moon and back! XOXO

Ho! Ho! Ho! Let me hasten to wish you happy holidays. May Santa Claus lavish you with humility and benevolence in your heart. May God bless you with kindness which will raise your soul and may He give you the courage to add up more shine and spread your brightest smiles to those you treasure. During this glorious season, please allow me to share how Jesus Christ would have His children observe his birth. Would it be marked by unrestrained consumerism and selfish acts of costly gift exchange? No! I quote Luke 14:12-14, “Then said he also to him that bade him, when thou makest a dinner or a supper, call not thy friends, nor thy brethren, neither thy kinsmen, nor thy rich neighbours; lest they also bid thee again, and a recompence be made thee. But when thou makest a feast, call the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind: And thou shalt be blessed; for they cannot recompense thee: for thou shalt be recompensed at the resurrection of the just”. Friends, let us pray for that one outcast orphan from the shantytown, let us pray for that one despondent parent who has lost his only child in a savage bloodshed and let us pray for that one abandoned grandmother left in a home, for Christmas to them, is just another hellish nightmare.

To end this post, I hope that you make the most of the beauty, spirit and magic of this fantastic season. The miles that keep us apart do not stop the love and happiness I send to you and to your family this Christmas. Joyeux Noël et Bonne Année 2017! Let us all raise our glasses to celebrate love and peace! Cheers!

Hugs and kisses,

Urvashi-The Little Mermaid

Effective guide to answering popular interview questions

DISCLAIMER

I) This post is a humorous article written solely to get you incredible people to bust a gut; and should in no way be taken seriously.

II) Most examples are in the context of recent graduates.

III) All, I repeat, ALL situations and examples are ficticious.

INTERVIEW…the next word that immediately pops up in your mind when I say INTERVIEW is STRESS. It does not matter whether it is for the post of a CEO for a multinational or for a waiter at a street corner restaurant. You will be nervous before a job interview. Why? Well, obviously because you badly want the job but you know some ravenous monster is awaiting to eat your brains with the most annoying questions that have ever gone down in the history of job interviews. By the way, have you noticed that sinister, almost I’m-gonna-screw-you grin on an interviewer’s face before the meeting? I swear it literally inspires my inner serial killer. If you too have been victimized by a string of dumb questions in a formal setting at least once in your life, welcome to the club!

Anyway, let’s check out their lousy questions which warrant even lousier answers.

N.B.

EA means expected answer (what the interviewer wants to hear).

HA means honest answer (what you would reply, if you had the balls).

1) Tell me about yourself.

EA- Be like Trump. Blow your own trumpet by talking about your education, previous work experience and proven success.

HA- I’m The Little Mermaid, a born winner. I started out as the sperm which won the race. I worked very hard to get to where I am in life today- an unemployed university graduate. I’m currently trying to finish writing a script for a porno movie but there are just too many holes in the plot.

2) Why do you want this job? 

EA- Demonstrate how your skills match, show your enthusiasm for the job and explain how you fit into the culture.

HA- Firstly, I want the job to earn money to pay for my living expenses because I have always been so passionate about not starving to death. Secondly, I’ve heard your company has a vacancy and coincidentally, I am jobless. So, luck just happened to kiss me. Lastly, I was considering the marvellous idea of harvesting organs from homeless people to make ends meet. Unfortunately, it is illegal.

*Sweet Jesus, please grant me the power to deal with this bullshit for as long as eternity takes.

3) What special skill do you have?

EA- Reveal your strengths related to the job.

HA- I can twerk. Just kidding. That’s my sense of humour. You’ll get used to it. Actually I’ve hacked your system and shortlisted myself for the interview. Now, can you imagine the damage I can do to your organisation by working for your rivalling competitor? I’m also great at multi-tasking. I can waste my time, be unproductive and day-dream all at once. Moreover, I have amazing ability to meet tight deadlines after an interminable procrastination session. These are a few of the many bankable fortes that I possess.

4) What is your greatest weakness? 

EA- The trick is to turn a negative flaw into a positive.

HA- I worry too much. But I’m working on it. Next time something goes wrong, I’ll try blaming someone else for it. For instance, suppose I don’t get this job, it’d be all due to the crappy questions that you need to shove up to your arse.

5) What are your communication skills? 

EA- List your oral and written communication aptitude.

HA- If you’ll pardon my french, my language proficiency includes: bitter sarcasm, pugnacious insults and inappropriate sexual satire.

*How did I end up here in this Tophet?

6) What are your hobbies?

EA- Talk only about the intellectual constructive hobbies that you are engaged in. And remember. Masturbation does not count.

HA- My pastimes are lying on the bed switching between the same three apps on my mobile phone for hours, listening to the same songs I’ve been listening to since 20 years, clicking hundreds of bathroom selfies per day and imagining myself in situations that will never exist in real life. I’m a very interesting person, aren’t I?

7) Where do you see yourself in five years? 

EA- Show ambition, commitment and goal-orientedness, even if your sense of direction at the moment is like a headless chicken.

HA- I’m so glad you asked. Please allow me to bore you for several minutes with a lump of overly-optimistic nonsense about my future. I’ll either be happily sitting at your place, just asking better questions or win a Noble Prize for getting Black Rhinos to hump more. Either way, I plan to take over the world and my future is as bright as a pair of albino buttocks bathed in sunlight.

8) What is your idea of teamwork?

EA- Display your ability to work collaboratively and motivate others in the group as well.

HA- I was rather searching for a job where I’m politely ignored and left to my own devices with unlimited internet access, doughnuts and coffee. However, I understand the importance of teamwork, especially if you are bone idle. It allows a moocher to get favourable commendation from his or her boss for a job others slogged away every cell of their body at completing. Basically, teamwork is great.

9) Tell me about your professional experience.

EA- Highlight your past accomplishment and knowledge at previous jobs. Convey your excitement to transfer your skills to the post you have applied for.

HA- From the job advertisement, I gather that you are looking for someone aged 22-25 with thirty years of work experience. If you don’t mind me asking Sir, are you looking for a time traveller? This sounds really innovative on your part. Let me congratulate you. Now, to answer your question, frankly I do not have any job experience. Still, I have more degrees than a thermometer. I’m sure it would make up for the lack of hands-on involvement.

10) What are your salary expectations? 

EA- The interviewer wants to know the minimum salary you will accept and see if you are aware of your value in the labour market.

HA- I want a job that would appreciate my exceptional talent. So, I expect to be paid above the median salary of your average employee. I think Rs 40 000 is reasonable to start with. As I prove my remarkable intelligence at work, you can add up to any amount of zeros, in your good judgement, as my increment.

11) What makes you think that you are the best candidate for this job and why should we hire you? 

EA- Evince your passion for the job and praise the company profusely.

HA- Arrogance. End of story.

Phew! A job interview indeed puts everyone, the strongest and most sensible ones alike through the wringer. It’s not too bad, albeit I believe that the questions and answers that have been parroted for decades could be restructured in a more unconventional manner. There’s no royal road to securing a nice job in today’s increasingly competitive world; but if you are worth your salt, success is a sure thing. To those having upcoming interviews- Break a leg! Knock ’em dead!

Spirituality

It’s 2016. I have decided that I’m gonna start to speak my mind unapologetically by writing my absurdly wild thoughts within quotation marks and tag them as ‘The Little Mermaid’ to make them sound more credible so that people believe every shit that I rave about. Let’s just do it sassy and a wee bit smart-assy.

“If people actually made love to the mind and soul with the same flaming passion as they made to the physical body, we would have long had an illuminated generation of spiritually, morally and intellectually elevated species.” 

-The Little Mermaid, MMXVI

Stay Humane

“Feed a hungry mouth. Clothe a miserable body. Educate a poor being. Reach out to a depressed soul. Rescue an animal. Help as much as you can. Touch as many hearts as you go. Selflessly. Without expectations. The one and only approach for a human to live with stalwart dignity is by staying humane.”

-The Little Mermaid, MMXVI

Unconditional Love

“The only way you can love another person unconditionally, intensely and genuinely is by walking down the enlightened path of realization, convinced that you merit that kind of unselfish love yourself; and you augustly shower it upon your own soul first before you serve it from the sacred chalice of your heart to others.”

-The Little Mermaid, MMXVI