The Perks Of Dating Much Older Men

When it comes to dating, the rotten rule that has been around for generations states that it is socially acceptable for a person to be romantically involved with someone who’s age is at least half your age plus seven. However, there are people, SANE people, who deviate from the norm and date someone much younger or older than them; which, in my humble opinion, is totally fine as long as both individuals connect. 

In my post, I’m going to write on the advantages a young woman has when she dates an older man, say +15 years her senior. While you must be cudgelling your brains about what has triggered me to blog on this, let me confess beforehand that as a young woman myself, I find older men enormously attractive. They are a whole package! And the fascinating thing with them is that they equate me on many levels – those enlightening tête-à-tête and whatnot. Hard to believe? In that case, read on…

1) Ideal if you want/don’t want children

If at present you feel mentally and physically prepared for a baby, you might choose to marry an older person who is evidently in a better position to cater for the needs of the little one than a young boy who might have other priorities.

Considering from a different standpoint, if you’ve decided that kids are not in the cards, you may have a pretty tough time persuading a younger partner to accept this idea. On the other hand, an older partner who has either already been married and begotten children or has had enough time to cogitate on fatherhood and therefore knows with certitude he doesn’t want to aggravate the global problem of human overpopulation, may be the ideal match for you.

2) Older is sexier…sometimes

When a man takes care of himself, he can actually look better with age and still be in the pink of health. Yes..much like fine wine that gets better with age. Old men somehow seem to effortlessly ooze an air of confidence and charisma. Those few strands of silver hair are symbolic of years of wisdom and experience. Simply put, old men are no longer boys. They are men. Grown-up men. In all senses. Now this is a real turn-on!

3) More financial stability

In general, there’s a stigma that a younger woman dates an older man because he’s more powerful and can essentially take care of her. Heard of gold diggers? And while this may be true for some, a 2010 study by the University of Dundee in Scotland found that as women themselves become more financially independent, their taste may skew towards older (and better-looking) men. What does it mean? It means that as a woman becomes more confident in her own career and finances, she seeks a partner who matches that, which often is not a 25-year-old guy.

Moreover, from what I’ve gathered, a man in his 20s is more likely to blow his cash on frivolous things, while men starting from their late 30s and onwards are likely to save money for the future or for experiences, like a romantic vacation. This implies you can live the good life and afford luxuries without having to worry about going dutch. Does it get any better than this? (Wink)

4) Less likely to play games

An older partner has already sowed his wild oats and is in the market for a serious relationship he can assume with honesty and loyalty. At this stage of life, he is more interested in having a companion than in hooking up with several women in the bars and nightclubs. Older men start a liaison with a clean slate and do not dream about getting a bit on the side because they have seen it and done it all. 

5) You enjoy awesome sex

A mature man knows exactly what excites him and he takes mental notes of what pleases you in bed. Ladies, forget about those night classes you had to conduct on ‘sexology’. Since older men hold the key to opening the doors to the gates of paradise, love-making becomes a more passionate and liberating ritual, than with a young fella who might just be too consumed with his own satisfaction to even bother if you comed or not. Older men literally work for you to climax because they see it as a source of pride when they can cause big, badass orgasms that leave you weak and shaking.

6) You’re the younger one. Game over.

You know the joke about older men chasing younger women? Well, ahem, drag your partner with you and look into the mirror. The benefit of being younger than him is that, as vain as it sounds, it can be an incredible confidence booster. I know it’s shallow but it’s always nice to feel extra sexy, isn’t it? Plus it makes getting old as easy as puddin’ pie because in your circle, you’ll always be the ‘young one’.

7) You learn from your partner

When it boils down to dating older men, you 24/7 feel like you’re learning; whether it be new music, food or arts. You get to hear stories about another period in time which broadens your mind. Moreover, as your partner has a vast amount of knowledge and sagacity under his belt, debates with him become more challenging, discussions more enriching and chitchats seem deeper than the ocean. 

Besides, he’s totally supportive of your ambitions and prolly full of good advice. You must be a dunce to trade all of those for a middle-of-the-road “I need to focus on my career right now, darling”.

8) Someone has already ‘fixed him up’

His past relationships didn’t work out. And now, you can reap the benefits of nice shoes on the racks, toilet seat put down and hand towel in the bathroom. 

On top of that, you can be sure that time doesn’t slow him and that he is going to be this rad forever. In 20 years, he will still be alive and kicking and keeping up with your young ass.

9) He appreciates you

An older man, de facto, might date a younger woman because he wants to maintain his youth. You keep him feeling inspired, which in turn, makes you feel deeply desired. You wake up too late? Cool. You don’t know cooking? No problem. He is a more caring, patient and a romantic lover. In short, you’re everything he wants. He’ll worship you. Period.

10) You live in the moment

Today, young people forget to relish the present moment in the pursuit of future goals and aspirations. Conversely, an older man makes you cherish the beauty of the now and value the significance of living it fully. 

So, as I have pointed out above, dating or even marrying an older man is a worthy experience. Without discounting the fact that women in general, mature faster than men, chances are, you might end up sharing your life with your twin flame, which seldom happens in real life with normal couples. Therefore, do not let society dictate your heart’s calling. And a free bit of advice to some judgemental prudes who might ostensibly conclude you have daddy issues- If you don’t want to get a fat lip, I would suggest you not to butt in where you do not belong. Live and let live. OK? 

P.S. Constructive comments on real life situations, examples or any kind of advice and opinion pertaining to this post are most welcome. 

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Author: The Lil' Mermaid

My soul is an enthralling mystery, delicately concocted with some chaos and a little glee.

262 thoughts on “The Perks Of Dating Much Older Men”

  1. I agree with you both because of personal experience and knowing couples with an age difference of twelve to fifteen years.
    What I look for in a woman is, rather than simply outer beauty, mental maturity. I grew up in a rather conservative community, where age differences larger than two or three years were frowned upon at best and scolded at worst, so initially I always kept looking for females at my age or at most two to three years younger.
    Only when I moved from a small town to a city, I realized that age is less important than I had previously been told and made to believe. At the time, a cousin of mine coincidentally broke up with his first wife, who was his age, and instead established a partnership with a woman half his age. Needless to say, the entirety of our relatives lost it, although I had seen it coming a mile away. A few years later, my cousin went on to marry said woman who used to be half his age, and the two have been happily together ever since, with no-one talking about it any longer. I know more couples with a similar age difference who have had issues with partners at their own age, but I am not going to write a novel about it – at least not here. 😉
    As concerns myself, females do not necessarily have to be much younger than I, but according to my experiences, part of what you state above applies: I tend to feel younger, as a young female may make me do things I would otherwise not, especially with regard to certain routines or habits. I tend to become ever more open-minded as we go. I also like it if a female can look after herself, for this means that we can spend more of our time together with enjoying each other’s presence than worrying.

    1. I do see eye to eye on the ‘age gap thing’ with you. I have also noticed that an older man tends to be more tolerant and respectful-he is less prone to fuss over trivial issues like jealousy or to harbour unhealthy competition vis-à-vis his partner. Why? Because he is comfortable in his own skin. He is self-assured enough to give his partner the freedom she wants; in which case, ego and unnecessary fights are kept at bay in the relationship.

      But above all else, we cannot generalise. The depth of every couple’s relationship is distinct, irrespective of the age gap that exists. I think the purpose is ultimately to live a meaningful and a productive life together. This is what matters most. As for society’s verdict? Well, I’d request those narrow-minded people to flush out the encrusted shit in their tiny brains as soon as possible so they could get a bigger picture of the situation.

  2. You make many good points in this article, and they are probably many points that my mother has found to be true. My mother was 24, my dad 45 when they married. Now my dad is 89, and of course, she still working, vigorous with a job and activity. He wishes she would slow down now, but she doesn’t. She won’t. I guess that’s where it hits. I didn’t really see my dad age much until he got a hip replacement at 79. Then it hit him fast. He aged very quickly. I don’t know what it was about the hip replacement or even if the hip or the surgery or the hospital stay had anything to actually do with it, but I noticed the change in his countenance. The wrinkles seemed to deepen, and his eyes seemed to dull. My mother loves to serve, and she sees it as an opportunity to serve him, to be there for him now in his old age. I guess in that regard it’s perfectly fine.

    1. Now that’s a whooping 21 years age gap! Indeed Daniel, it does get discernible when the older partner reaches senility while the other one is still doing pretty well physically. But perhaps now they are at a stage where just being there for each other is gratifying already. With the increasing number of failed marriages, divorces and cheating that we see everyday, I would rather spend 10 years of bliss with an older partner than being with someone my soul doesn’t accept for 40 years and call it ‘a successful marriage’.

      And your parents preferred it my way. The least we can do for them is to respect their choice. Your parents have stuck together through thick and thin for many years. It seems they’ve lived a fruitful life as a couple and given a second chance, they would go down the same road. Courage to your parents and God bless this perfect couple!

  3. I agree with all of these points. An older man can be a great resource for learning about pretty much anything and you’re always going to feel cared for.

  4. This is very interesting. It’s the first thing I have read on wordpress in a while. I used to get solicited by sugar daddy sites but this article was thoughtful.

    1. My article is about love, marriage and seeing a future together with your partner despite a large age gap. It is definitely not about the ‘sugar daddy’ concept. Thanks for reading and appreciating it!

      1. Likewise with my parents who have 14 years of age difference between them. Even celebrities, for instance Celine Dion and her late husband shared a large age gap of 26 years! It does work out for the better! :))

  5. When I was slightly younger than I am now, I had a thing for a much younger woman. She wasn’t conventionally attractive, far too chubby, too gauche, bad clothes, terrible use of make-up, lacking in confidence ~ but she had an inner beauty, fabulous sense of fun, and liked to listen.
    For a while we had a great time together ~ and then she started to change. It was nothing deliberate on my part but she became cultured, confident, and quite elegant ~ although still voluptuous.
    I didn’t love her any more or less, but she lost interest in me as lots younger guys threw themselves at her.

    1. Hello Jack, I’m pleased to hear from you. Well, do you mind sharing the age of the girl? Because from what it appears, she was quite immature at the time she was with you-taking the relationship on a much lighter note. You must have seen that I presume. And eventually when your love interest bloomed to an adult, she made choices she deemed to be more ‘sensible’. Let’s not blame it on her. People do change drastically during the emerging adulthood phase of life. It’s quite normal.

      Thanks for sharing your personal experience! X

    1. Forgive me but I don’t find any substance in your argument. It’s a bit sexist from my point of view. But anyway, thanks for reading and sharing your opinion with us.

      Have a good day!

  6. I prefer younger men so my husband is also younger than me. I think that love is matter of choice. The biggest tragedy happens when someone dates with person because parents, society or friends said that is right decision. You said right, relation with older men has some advantages, but i picked harder way and did not regret. Excellent post.

    1. Your relationship corroborates the fact that age is just a number. It can work either way. It only depends on the level of understanding and shared intimacy between the persons involved.

      Thank you so much for your comment-much appreciated! I wish you and your husband a lifetime of love and happiness :))

  7. My father was 28 years older than my mother. When they married, he was 48 and she was 20. I have three siblings and we are all getting together today on national siblings day. We celebrate my mother marrying an older man. Without that, we would not be here to celebrate. Carpe Diem.

    1. Wow! That’s seriously a huge age gap! I’m impressed. I hope you guys had a delightful time together on National Siblings Day.

      Thanks a lot for your comment which provided ample proof that true love knows no age. X

      1. Dad passed in 1973 at the age of 76 and mom passed in 2024 at 89. She had a second marriage of 30 years to my stepfather who was 13 years older than her. Hugs will be really virtual. Thanks.

  8. These are very good points! I’ve never dated someone who’s older by a lot of years. I have friends who date older men and they seem much happier. Thanks for sharing this!

  9. Your arguments are solid in their own ways although one can always put another spin on a few points. But, and I must say this, it all depends on the couple. If they’re comfortable with it, there’s no reason society should even bother. Plus you’ve made compelling points for young women to think again after they look at that handsome middle-aged dude in their neighbourhood.
    Great post again. 🙂

    1. Yes, I know I have been biased in this article. I concentrated solely on the positives because for me, only positives can come out of such a relationship. Haha! But on a more serious note, as you said, when it comes to your life, the deprecatory opinions of others, especially the unsolicited ones should not matter. You are given a life to live the way you wish.

      Oh have I been such an influence on them young women? Haha! I just want those ladies to be more open-minded to opportunities around them. Love can come from anywhere. That’s all…

      1. You have the right to be biased. A blog is about putting our own opinions in front of the world, isn’t it?
        Good of you to look at the positives. Maybe some girl, somewhere would read this post and think, ” I better concentrate on my neighbour. 😉 ”
        Spread love, spread peace. 🙂

      1. I just read this article again and find it to quite brilliant. Firstly, as a homage to maturity, it stands as one of the best and most positive documents I have ever read on the virtues of being older. Secondly, as a look into your own future ad an older person, it stands as a masterpiece of positive thinking and ‘seeing the best in the situation’. Thirdly, it is an amazingly well written, professionally produced piece of work. Do you, perchance, write for a living or do you do it for fun? I would suggest that if it not already, writing would be a good career path for you. Have you tried selling this piece of work to a magazine, or considered writing a book?
        I know – this is where you tell me that you are an internationally renowned author and I am a fool not to recognise your face. 🙂
        Any way around – keep up the excellent work.

        1. Aww I cannot thank you enough for the positive feedback and kind encouragement. In fact, I have recently created this blog in January for fun. I occasionally write here for you guys as a hobby because I love sharing ideas and connecting with like-minded people. I don’t do it for a living, unfortunately. I would love to write a novel someday though. Well, let it be just a dream for now. *sigh

          Thanks again for the love and support which is so dear to me. X

  10. I married a man 11 years older than me. With this same ideology. Oh I look like a doll beside him, he’ll always love me, always treat me well, be financially stable, be mature, be kind to me..but nope. At the end of the day all it boils down to is the character of the guy. An old guy can act like a 17 year old and a 17 year old can have the manners of a mature man. Do not go into a relationship with these hopes, you might be let down severely

    1. There is no way I could not agree with you. However, I particularly wrote this post taking into account the success of the few marriages with a large age gap, i.e., those couples who are considered as outliers in our traditional model. I hope you got the gist of it.

  11. The first thing that I could think of while reading this was- wouldn’t the older men die first too, leaving us alone for another 10, 15 years, waiting for death to touch us?? Silly huh?? Haha..I know..
    Though I simply loved your post..I actually haven’t ever dated an older man for a fact..So I somehow had a belief that guys our age or maybe with a minimal age gap are way more compatible compared to the older ones.. But as I grew up, I started wondering if I was wrong.. And this post made me sure that older men are maybe a way more compatible.. Then again it all depends on us..Depends on the connection we develop with a person..If that’s intact, age is literally just a number..
    The point you made there about older men being MEN- Grown-up Men!!! Couldn’t agree less to it..
    P.S – do I need to mention anything about your 5th point?? I mean which girl wouldn’t agree to it?? 😉 haha..
    Well all your points were bang on..And even the thing about the norms.. I mean who cares?? It’s our life, and we have got just one.. If there’s a soul-to-soul connection, no matter how old or young that person is, we should go for him..
    Great post BTW.. Keep writing.. 🙂

    1. Haha! Well yes, the older man does have a bigger chance to die first, leaving behind a vast emptiness for the woman who still has a lot to go. But hey, life continues no? At that moment, she simply has to accept the other side of the reality she chose years back and if it was worth the ride, the woman will surely move on. Anyway, life itself is unpredictable today-you can never know what will happen in the next second. What if in the relationship the woman dies in an accident? Or what if she becomes terminally ill? I’m neither wishing bad nor being pessimistic to the extreme but I’m just trying to say we must live in the present. The present is what matters most.

      It seems like you’ve thoroughly enjoyed the post. Thank you for your encouragement!

      P.S. Next time you see that gorgeous middle-aged man in the café, just sit down, relax and scrutinize all the ten points I have mentioned in your mind again. Haha! Just kidding 🙂

      1. True that is..Life is unpredictable.. And in this unpredictability, all we can do is live in the present.. Coz who knows what tomorrow has in store for us??
        I did thoroughly enjoy your post.. Keep writing.. 🙂
        Well, for that..I actually did find a really handsome middle -aged man at the ice – cream parlor today.. And as soon as my eyes fell on him, all I could think of was your post – The perks of dating an older man..!! Well then, I wondered, of course he wasn’t there to have an ice -cream for himself.. Maybe he had gone there to take one for his daughter?? Or heck, maybe his wife..?? I instantly took my eyes off him and traced my way out of the place.. 😀 (No kidding here.. 😉 😀 )

        1. Hahaha! How could you even make such assumptions on him? Maybe he was not married and could have bought you an ice-cream too. You never know.😜

          Well, do what you want girlie but don’t come blame The Little Mermaid later. She never tempted you to dive into the choppy waters.😂

          1. Hahaha..never dear.. That I won’t.. 😀
            And yeahh..Maybe next time I will just sit down and wait to see what he(any gorgeous middle-aged man) does next.. 😉 😀

  12. Hello, Little Mermaid,
    Funny, I picked this post. My husband is 13 years older and we got together at your age formula time. He was 43, I was 29 (close, anyway) That is a new concept to me. We have now been together almost 25 years = another plus, you can retire when your husband turns 65! Or not!

    1. Hi there, yes, we can add the retirement thing to what I have written though I believe, it is something more personal. And it makes me really happy to see couples like yours together for a long time. I wish you and your hubby many more years of joy and bliss 🙂

  13. All this is true – my husband is 21 years older than me and we have been together for 23 years. In my early 30s I dated a younger man 10 years younger than me – I was rushing about trying to compete with anyone he looked at. So there were 31 years difference between the two men. I have never had to be with a man in his 30s 40s or go through the mid-life crisis. We are the best of friends and are lovers. I never wanted kids so this was good thing. But then Hey – We did go in for one eventually – a girl who grew up loved and we have grandchildren older than she is.

    1. Thank you for sharing your lovely story with us. It serves as a valuable testimony which gives weight to my article. I wish you and your beautiful family eternal love and happiness. Stay blessed!

  14. Interesting post, particularly after reading some of the comments. You make some great points and what struck me specifically is that a good match is based in mental compatibility more than anything else. This is quite often not found by looking for someone of the same age.

    1. True! Mental compatibility should be the prime factor when a man/woman decides whether to go for a relationship or not. And we cannot deny it that women develop both mentally and emotionally a lot sooner than men, can we? A fact remains a fact afterall. Hence, in order to minimize the repercussion of what is not in our control to change, we must be flexible in our approach to dating, by which I mean to say that the large age gap shouldn’t be a big deal!

      1. You’re absolutely right, as men tend to be ‘boys’ a lot longer than women are ‘girls’. Some might even argue that men never grow up 🙂

        Looking forward to reading more on your excellent blog,

        Frank

  15. According to the Rotten rule I should be looking for a woman of 39.5 years (32.5 +7 ?). That sounds about right. Not flighty anymore and mature enough to know what she wants from a relationship. Likely to have made her decision about children and not too late to have one if that’s what they decide. Maybe has a career and wants a relationship that won’t interfere because he’s jealous she’s in a better job than him. Knows her own mind and able to say what she does and doesn’t like in life. Doesn’t want to dress like a glamour model and is just as happy to stay in as go out. Maybe even prefers to stay in and talk. Can handle quiet and happy to read a book.
    OK, maybe that would suit a man my age but I’m not sure the difference might not be too great for lady.
    xxx Huge Hugs xxx

    1. In obedience to the rule which defines the youngest age you may date, a woman who is 39.5 years old (AT LEAST) would suit you well. And the reasons you listed above seem to hold true. It depends on the situation. A woman in her late thirties would probably be still very active but if you fit in, why not?

      Peace and light to you X

        1. Nicholas Sparks said: “It is possibility that keeps me going, and though you may call me a dreamer or a fool or any other thing, I believe that anything is possible.”

          The quote adduced it all. Love and light to you and yours X

  16. My husband is 15 years older than me. We have been together since I was 20 and he was 35. This august will be 23 years since our first date and 9 years married in June. We have 3 kids; 7 year old twins and an 8 year old. You make a lot of good points, pretty much everything is on target. I wouldn’t change a thing.

  17. Hello, I’m Robert Blackhorn StrongBow.
    I wanted to apologize for appearing to be antisocial, and say Thank You for being so supportive to Our site.
    This post caught my attention, but your grasp on the English language is almost unbelievable. Were you an English major????
    This is a great post, you might want to check out my editor:)
    We will return, please keep writing,
    Robert

    1. Hi Robert. I’m pleased to get to know you. Oh please don’t be contrite. Your posts did deserve to receive the justified decent attention and ‘likes’. Some of them were excellent. I did not major in English. I’m from the Economics/Finance field. English is not even my mother tongue. I’m elated you enjoy my writings-it makes me want to deliver more and more every time. And I will be honoured to meet your editor. Keep in touch! X

      1. The Little Mermaid, I’ll give you a hint, my editor’s last name is StrongBow.
        You handle the English language like a Lion Tamer, or like you are handling a baby.
        Robert

          1. The Little Mermaid, lol you have a sense of humor also.
            While I do take care of Our website and Our Blog, My Brother’s Keeper, Aida takes care of all Our Social Media Pages since we are extremely short handed and under staffed.
            Robert

            1. And you have a good sense of judgement to notice it, Robert. Haha!

              That twisted ‘sense of humour’, as you call it, has always been my lifeline on the roller coaster ride of life. Laughing actually allows me to keep my sanity in check. All the best to you and Aida in your endeavours. Take care!

                  1. The Little Smiling Mermaid,
                    You know what makes a Good writer Great????
                    If she enjoys what she is doing….
                    Oh I am unwavering alright, I feel like a Flag on a Flagpole.
                    Keep up the GREAT work,
                    Robert

  18. Gotta agree wid all ur points. My man in 7 years older than me n I feel pampered n under no pressure all the time … if u know what i mean 😉 🙂

  19. you have written this beautifully and you have a lot of maturity. Its took a bit long for a men to become emotionally correct or to behave in a particular manner . Men are less organised people generally a mess at young age but I believe if he is not a bad person, He will learn all in company of a great women. few young messed up people to deserve diligent touch in there life. And the best point about this article is that you very clearly state that its not length of time you spend together which is Important, its about how complete you were in those moments …..

    1. Thank you very much for finding this post agreeable. Well, I never meant to say that young men are ‘a mess’ and ‘less organised’, more so, this article does not, even remotely, intend to bash them if they are. Hence, let us leave them young boys alone. They are themselves at a baffling stage where they are trying to figure out what they want out of life and it would be unfair to condemn them for not having a sense of direction and of responsibility.

      My concern is mostly about how a young woman can effectively handle a relationship with a much older man; which I believe is simply an issue of maturity and being in the same mindset. I don’t think age gaps are necessarily bad. As long as both partners have worked out what they want and communication is fair, it’s fine.

      1. totally agree with your point.. I was just saying that young men can become matured in company of a matured girl. And no doubt age difference does not matter its about how complete you feel with that person 🙂

        1. Do you think the boy will become more mature in the company of a mature girl? I beg to differ. It would be like expecting a student to get a straight A+ in a subject with an admirable teacher without putting in any effort in his studies himself. But assuming what you are saying to be true, I personally neither have the time nor the inclination to ‘mother’ a guy. Sorry!

          Thanks for your input! Much appreciated! :))

          1. I do not think I can say anything against it, your point is correct and acceptable. But age always does not define maturity and I have seen relations with age difference where one partner fail to match up with energy of another. And age difference is not a surety of understanding that is beyond explainable, Its great if you have understanding with an age difference and why old men and young girl, it can be young men and old women too. Not to practical in society but thats’ why we write to make it equal for all and I wish to see that too..

  20. This was a great read. This whole train of though can also be extended towards other areas outside of dating. I’m nudging 50 but these last few years it is no longer “weird” for colleagues of different ages to form good friendships. I can hang out with the younger bunch and we learn a lot from one another…

    1. You are right. I also love socialising with people from all walks of life, irrespective of their age. Life is one big school and every person we come across has something to teach us. Don’t you think so, Thys?

      1. Hi, yes, of course. I’ve learnt most amazing things from even the most unexpected of encounters. I believe attitude drives it all, an open and receptive mind is paramount to getting the most from any encounter 🙂

  21. You are my hero Little Mermaid. Your post and the following comments tell all of us why age gaps can make for a deep and lasting relationship. It can be complex to analyze but the results for two people that find what they are looking for and need in their relationship, it can mean a life fulfilled for both. I say, regardless of age, if the chemistry is right, it’s worth making the connection. Thank you for this post. It was a true pleasure to read.

      1. And you certainly made my day with your wonderful article. I enjoyed reading through the comments and taking in the many variations on the theme of age gaps in relationships. It’s a very popular thing to condemn all men with stereotypical behaviors and misconceptions about what men want in a partner and how we all will dump our wife or girlfriend for a young vixen at the first opportunity. While there are plenty of bad actors to support the popular condemnation, what is missed are the vast majority of silent and happy couples. I remember reading the Kama Sutra a long time ago and taking note of the description of proper paring of men and woman to ensure harmony. It seems a very long time ago people figured out to be happy it took more than just age parity to make a relationship work over the years.

        1. I have also read the Kama Sutra, which is literally the Bible of love-making and relationships. I still recall it postulated that God created man and woman, and laid down a set of rules in accordance with dharma, artha and kama. The downfall of the institution of marriage today can be attributed to the fact that maybe we do not respect those as we should have..don’t you think so?

          1. I agree with you. There is a vast amount of wisdom recorded from history that tells us what builds strong and dynamic relationships of which true and lasting love is central or the binding energy of relationships. I do believe humankind has moved far from those foundations in many societies and as individuals. To me there can never be true love until both partners support the union under conditions of mutual respect. The conditions of love and respect can be complicated by culture and beliefs, regardless, without love and respect and attending supportive virtues a couple will likely not survive the test of time. Just my over caffeinated opinion. I certainly don’t hold anyone accountable to my opinion. I do think your views are spot on.

  22. I love your posts and not just the posts but the comments section quite stimulating. Thank god i could discover you through some other blog writer 🙂 . Where are you originally from and where do you stay presently. ?

  23. There’s a 16 year age difference between me and my wife. We’ve been married almost 15 years, rarely argue, and spend most of our time together. We’ve always treated each other as equals… age has never been a factor. She’s smart, funny, talented, and I don’t hold it against her that she doesn’t appreciate the Beatles as much as I do. But she’s tolerates them. What more could I ask for? 🙂

  24. There is a ten-year difference between my husband and I…except I am the older one! It doesn’t bother us at all because we feel we meet right in the middle. My first husband was 6 months younger and he was way less mature than me. I love my current relationship. Do I worry about me being that much older as I am now in my late 50’s? Yes, I have to admit sometimes I do. But the love and friendship that we have seems to withstand everything!

  25. I comment from my own personal experience and do not want to hurt anyone else who is happily in a relationship with an older man. But not all older man are as you have so beautifully described, if only they were, so I am guessing it’s not a stereotype situation. An older man’s family background and personal convictions make up his persona and behaviour not just his age in comparison to the woman. An older man can act like a child and demand too much attention and ignore your needs just as well. Sorry but while I really enjoyed your points and see the truth in them I do not think it can be applied across the board to all older men. Maybe it’s only my narrow perspective on this from my own personal encounter but just sharing on behalf of those women who have been on the other end of the receiving scale. In the end love knows no age, race or creed, the heart loves who it loves. Thank you for your post.

  26. When my first marriage to a man only three years my Sr ended I swore I would never go out with anyone less than ten years older than me. My husband of 27 years is 11 years older. I never regret the choice but you must know that certain “generational” things do crop up to muddy things unless you are married to someone who is a comp,ete rollover persona dn always lets you have your way, the “last word”, etc; and, well I have just never been attractef to the devoted slave type of man. Mine is devoted but he likes a lot of things his way. His Dad was very old school so often with raising children I was dealing with multi generational attitudes. The biggest thing has been aging. They just get older before you, have worked a long time and very iften want to slow down before you are ready to. But I would never choose differently. The same thing that makes him “fatherly” also makes him compassionate, responsible and dependable to a fault. We had the most fiery courtship and our sex life remains great. We are BEST friends. In our darkest times my greatest fear in losing him or being estranged in any way was that I truly felt I had no one to talk to because I was fighting with my best friend. No matter the age, it is always the components of a relationship that matter. Sexual attraction, common t goals, how to handle money, child rearing, morals, politics and religious(or not) standards. I didn’t want a provider. I wanted a companion. While we still don’t always agree about what’s “fun” we both dip out toes into each others’ pools of interest. Okay, yeah, mostly I am up to my waist in his fun waters but he happily makes sure I get to do the things I enjoy, even if he doesn’t a,ways come aling. Compromise is a word I think that has been long forgotten in today’s young relatuonships. Too much “me, me”. If it isn’t exactly as it was imagined, just chunk it out and start over. Good relationships aren’t found, they are made..cheers!

  27. Very good, thoughtful post. You touched on this a number of ways, but I would like to spell it out. In human brain development, the prefrontal lobes (our impulse control, conscience, governor) are the last to develop. Often not till the age of 25. So, a person in their early 20’s may act much younger than one in their 30’s because of this brain development. I think this helps to make an older man attractive to a younger (in her 20s) woman.

    1. I think you are absolutely correct Tony. Thank you for enlightening me on this. Actually, I’m not conversant with sciences and looking at the situation from a different perspective was educative. 🙂

      1. Thanks, my blog started out as weight loss, but has morphed into a total healthy living idea. Retired, I have taken courses in nutrition, anatomy, the brain, etc. That’s where that came from. Very much enjoyed your post.

  28. You write a fun post here, and obviously one that sparked a lot of interest. Of course, you make many good points. But could they work just as well for a younger man looking for an older woman?
    That said, I’m married to a man 7 years my senior. Has worked out well for all the reasons you stated. My mom, widowed for many years, began to date a man 15 years her junior (beginning when she was 75). Seemed to work out well for her, too, for a number of years.

    1. You and your mum reminded me of a line from the movie Interstellar which goes something like “Love is the one thing that we’re capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space”. Beautiful piece, isn’t it?

      I wish you guys all the very best! X

  29. Hi there. It’s not very often I sit and read longer posts but I really like your style. Super enjoyable and looking forward to reading more. Be lucky 🙂

  30. I agree with all you say, I have dated for a while and saw big differences. Younger men are more selfish and older men have so much more experience to bring and are so much more caring. I am with an 8 year older man now and I am having the best time with him in every way. Was fun to read and really true too! Thanks

  31. Most people wouldn’t have the courage to publicly post their honest feelings regarding these types of relationships. It’s a breath of fresh air reading words that come from the heart. I am happily married to a beautiful woman (inside and outside.) We share a mutual responsibility to take care of our health (again, inside and outside) by living balanced lifestyles that provide all types of opportunities. I am nearly 57 and my wife is 54. People assume we are both younger. Aging is a natural process; feeling old and acting old is often a matter of lifestyle.
    Live the life you choose because you believe it is right and best for you. The effort put into relationships usually correspond well with the outcomes.

    1. Hi Jonathan, you are right. Good relationships don’t just happen. They take time, patience and two people who truly want to be together. A healthy relationship like yours also keeps the doors and windows open so no one feels confined.

      Thank you for appreciating the article and offering your advice. Much obliged.

  32. I found this to be an interesting take as I have been married for 17 years to a man 16 years older than me. Age was not in account when we met. We meshed, had the same ideals, and fell in love.

  33. Thanks mermaid, for liking my comments in the network, and, in the process, connecting me to your youthful world. Certainly, you are older than your years and much more than your looks…best wishes… Raj.

  34. What an absolute refreshing read! What stands out for me is your non-judgemental approach on this subject. With experience I have found the one’s to judge has not make a concerted effort to understand and to engage. But then again not everyone thinks outside the box and are confident enough to make themselves available to take this leap of faith. I look at some people and they’re quite happy to wallow in shallow waters and be contented with whatever life throws at them. I find it highly annoying but have to accept not everyone is going to see what you and I see. It’s so awesome to live with maturity, unselfishness, complete contentment, listening and compromising and to be loved the way you should, without any scorecards 🙂 Well, you have just inspired me to write my first muse!

  35. If something ever happens in my life where I find myself single, I’ll keep this post in time. On the other hand, being single after a long marriage is a bit of a terrifying thought.

    1. Hi, the reverse, i.e. a young man being attracted to a much older women is not uncommon. According to psychologist, Sam Owen, this is indicative of the change in gender roles in modern society towards more equality between the sexes. Young men nowadays recognize that older women are adept at diligently juggling a whole gamut of responsibilities (career, finances, children, housekeeping, fitness, socialising), which makes them more attractive and a more secure option.

      In the end, it boils down to a matter of your personal choices. Nothing is a taboo. If it exists in our society, it is a truth. Life is not to be lived by the book anyway.

      Thanks for making me think outside the box.

  36. Thank you for your time stopping over at nothingcluelesslost.com
    Indeed this is a very thought-provoking and innervating subject.
    I am turning sixty and I have experienced both: a fourteen year younger and an eight year older lady, my current partner. Without a doubt the concinnity and equilibrium with my current partner is unmatched.
    To answer noelleg44: The reverse can absolutely be true. Older ladies and younger men make exquisite couples.
    Yes it is about the physical until one day we become frail. That’s the nature on this planet, and it is about the many other qualities that weave their magic around our physical being and that attract us to one another.

  37. I am 60 but older men are not as attractive nor as healthy as I am. So, that being said my 29 year old daughter met and dates a 48 year old. Only thing is he has kids in college. She is 30 now and he’s saying they will get engaged one year from now. We will see. . . thanks for liking my thoughts on Brenda’s blog! 🙂 smiles, Robin

    1. Hi Robin, a healthy relationship is one where both bring out the best in each other, regardless of age. Afterall, quality should prevail over quantity. Thanks for reading the article. All the best to you and to your lovely daughter! X

  38. For what it’s worth, my experience in this area is that most younger women that flirt with the idea of dating a much older man are often angry that their boyfriend won’t put a ring on their fingers. That may be indicative: most ladies mature much faster than men (biologically, I guess that’s an imperative), and it may be that an older guy has just had a chance to catch up. I’m a little perturbed that it seems to take so long, however.

    Then again, I’d be happy to meet anyone that’s willing and able to share my life project with me. Most women (my mother included) find it to be terribly impractical.

  39. Bonjour BELLE JEUNE FILLE

    C’est bientôt le premier mai
    Et j’ai cherché , cherché
    Les brins de muguet

    Dans les bois d’ALSACE

    Sur les talus ,sous les branchages et je l’ai trouvé

    Je viens t’offrir en avance ce petit bouquet de muguet

    Je l’ai sentie il a une belle odeur parfumé

    Regarde ces belles petites clochettes blanches

    Chaque clochette sonne mon amitié

    Pour toi ce petit porte bonheur

    Passe une belle semaine et un bon 1 mai avec du bonheur

    BISE Bernard

  40. As an “older man”, I must say your post was a bit of an ego boost for sure. Very valid points you expressed in a cogent, well thought out manner! Well written and an enjoyable read! 🙂

  41. As an older man who relishes younger women I totally agree with this. It is just tough to find the younger woman willing to let go of the social norm and journey with me. I’m not perfect and I don’t expect her to be. Just be willing to live outside the box and savor all those things you stated. Great write. I hope those women reading this take the step forward.

  42. I miss being the younger one. Previously I dated a man 9 years older than me and enjoyed that he had a well established career, a clean apartment and never fighting about chores. We had a ton of fun; running, biking, cultural exploring, concerts, museums. I didn’t enjoy his not yet grown and poorly parented ‘save the former marriage’ child, his mummy issues, his daddy issues, his alimony payments or that I sometimes felt like a pretty accessory in his shiny new post-divorce life.

    1. I’m sorry you have had a bad experience with an older man Ruth, for all the tenable reasons you mentioned. Thank you for sharing your story. It enables me to reflect on the potential risks involved before taking the plunge.

      Just know that you deserve better than this and move on. Sunshine is just around the corner.

      Sending you much love X

      1. Oh the sun came out! Several years later I married my husband, a man 9 years younger 🙂 If you’re still on the fence about your man there’s a hilarious book called The Package Deal by Izzy Rose, I think…true story and laugh out loud fun. The older man wasn’t all that bad, just too materialistic for me. They’re not all like that I’m guessing?

        1. You’re funny Anne. I think we cannot generalise about them. 😀

          I have never heard of this book before. It looks like I must give it a try as soon as possible. Thanks for the suggestion.

          Hugs X

  43. This is true for me. My husband Jeff is many, many years older than me and most of the things you say are true of an older man. He dotes on me daily, little gifts, dresses, shoes, things he knows that I will love. He leaves little notes at the coffee pot. Sex is great and he gives me great foot and shoulder massages. 🙂 He sleeps very close to me, spooning and we have always been this way for years. He constantly kisses and hugs me throughout the day as we pass by each other. He is very attentive to my needs, and the sweetest, he kisses my head as I type on the computer as he walks by. He has built me the most amazing flower garden, and he takes care of my every need. I am truly blessed by his love. When a person has true love, it does not matter the age. My husband is awesome in how he treats me and age does not matter with us.

    I love the “Mermaid” thing. We are having a home party soon and our vows being said again. He has said that he will buy me a Mermaid wedding dress and it is fabulous. I love mermaids. I have a mermaid blanket coming. Fabulous! Good article! Blessings to you.
    Joy aka J. Greenwood aka JG Hemlock aka Joan of arc 77.

    1. Hi Joy, you guys make such a cool lovey-dovey couple! The way he treats you is unbelievable-seems straight from a typical Nicholas Sparks Novel. You are indeed blessed to have a partner as considerate as him. May I ask how long have you been married?

      And thanks for dropping by and sharing your bliss with us. Happy wedding anniversary to both of you.

      Sending you much love X

  44. ….ahhh , I couldn’t agree more! A comprehensive thesis. You are right in all of the above. Appreciation, Yes. Holding the key(s) to….., Yes! Health and taking care of one’s self is important as well as expressing to the younger mate its values and getting them on board at an early age too. Plus experience can be a great teacher of things to do and more importantly things not to do. Well Done! It looks like you could write another post here on just the comments alone.. 🙂

  45. The way you wrote this had valid points. I also think it is beneficial for women to choose younger since life expectancy is shorter already for men. My Dad died at age 69 so my Mom who us 88 has been on her own nearly twenty years! I like dating younger men, hoping I am worthy of a long lasting partner.i was married to men my age and have already been divorced a few times. . . Smiles, Robin

  46. I am 31 and in love with 18 yo girl. I made her read your post apart from all I could do to convince her. She seems to be attracted to me but the age difference wont let her express that :/

  47. I really think I agree with these, though I can’t say I have any experience in this department as I am with someone where I am a little older, but I think the same applies. Age shouldn’t matter it is the person you are with that matters and how they treat you, act around you, and make you feel. We have come to be in a society where people make a big deal about age, looks, and sadly sometimes colour. We are in the 21st century this kind of stuff shouldn’t matter anymore.
    I mean I could look at a couple I know that are eight years apart and have been together for over 20 years. So I think age doesn’t matter, older younger, same age, it’s all about the two people and what they want from the relationship.

  48. I really believe it is about connection, regardless of age. I use to not date women that were younger than me; until, one day, I met a considerable younger woman than me that was smarter, more experienced, more educated, and richer than me — I ended up learning from her; and, she changed my view about life; and, I learned so much about life, her, and myself. Whether the woman is older or younger than me, age is no issue — it’s about the way we connect and help each other grow. My present girlfriend is 19 years younger than me, and it is working out very well. Thanks for your BLOG. I recently followed you because I enjoy your writing, and your BLOGs inspire me and teaches me stuff. I’m a passionate learner. Enjoy the balance of your day, and please keep writing!!! Cheers.

    1. Hi friend, I’m glad to meet you here. You’re right. It’s all about the degree of connection in the end.

      Glad that you enjoy my writings. I’ll check yours too. Please keep in touch.

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