“A person may not say anything out of fear, wayward evasion or artful deceit; but his aura, without reserve, reveals everything. Learn to communicate with energies. They do not lie.”
-The Little Mermaid, MMXVIII
“A person may not say anything out of fear, wayward evasion or artful deceit; but his aura, without reserve, reveals everything. Learn to communicate with energies. They do not lie.”
-The Little Mermaid, MMXVIII
Ding-a-ling! I can hear the dulcet timbre of Christmas and New Year as we gladly mosey into 2018. What a world of mirthful jollity a novel beginning brings!
Inside each one of us, there is a river that flows. That river is hope. When overflowing with love, it keeps everything fresh and alive everywhere it reaches, enhancing the beauty of the landscape. However, after a long severe drought, it slowly dries up; leaving in its aftermath unrealised dreams and unmet goals. Absence of hope is despair and despair is essentially destructive. We all need to struggle to keep hope alive and not surrender to despair because nobody can survive without hope. We need hope as we need oxygen. The act of living is, in itself, an act of hope. The festive season is like monsoon which exuberantly fills up the dried up river- it’s a compass to those who have lost their bearings, to some- a license to renew forgotten promises. The gist of celebrating New Year is to leave behind all your mental stress as you see the sparkle in the eyes of your loved ones, to burn your negative emotions in the incandescent fireworks and to ditch your past histories and anything that makes you unhappy as you pop open that splendid bottle of champagne. This is the best part of New Year’s- a psychological lift that every human being needs from time to time.
One question which irks all of us, however is, “Why do we feel that time is flying us by?” A review of my year so far will be a series of shots of me saying: “I can’t believe it’s 2017 already. I can’t believe Christmas is gone. I can’t believe I’m back to work. I can’t believe the weekend is almost over. I can’t believe it’s Monday already. I can’t believe the week is over. I can’t believe it’s the weekend again. I can’t believe January is over already. I can’t believe October is about to end. I can’t believe it’s December already. I can’t believe 2017 is almost over.” As we grow older, we have the freakish impression that time moves faster and faster, that the earlier periods of our lives seemed to last longer. Like nowadays, the weekend seems to be only thirty minutes long. It is as if, unbeknown to us, time is secretly being coarctated. I think the reason for this disparity in our experience of time has to do with how involved we are with the events in our life. Something that captures our attention and emotion will seem to last longer. The problem is that nowadays we live our life like we are travelling in a speedboat, in a race against time, always focusing on our next destination. We live our life hopping from one deadline to another, one project to another, one birthday in the weekend to a birthday in the next, a football league match this week to a cup match the next. Our attention is not in the present moment, we are always being dragged away from what we consider to be mundane activities that yet constitute the major chunk of our life. If we want to change things around onwards, we probably need to think of the journey like we are travelling in a glass bottom boat, where there are many wonders right here under our feet, giving depth to every moment and making the journey more long-lasting and pleasurable.
To mark the occasion, I’d like to remind you, my loved ones, of our priorities: to make the world we live in a kinder, more peaceful place through our actions. Help whoever you can, whenever you can. I believe success, when shared, has a multiplier effect. It’s not about leaving anyone behind. It’s about helping pull everyone, and humanity in general, ahead. Do not be stingy when it comes to sharing love, compassion and sympathy; for in the end, from dust we were made, to dust we shall return.
Guys, I cannot fathom driving without street signs, traffic signals and no rules. Just the same, I cannot fathom blogging without YOU! Yes! YOU! YOU’RE FAB! Blogging has been the ideal escape for my soul struggling from the darkness of worldly wickedness to the light of fond camaraderie. You have all been very amiable to me and appreciative of my posts throughout 2017. Words alone cannot express the immense gratitude I feel in my heart. You, 4 191 people, deserve more than mere thank you’s, really. As I come to a close, I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year 2018. May the year 2018 give you the opportunity to realize your dreams, rediscover your strengths, muster your willpower and rejoice in the simple pleasures that life would bring your way.
I love you!
As you reach your tender sixteen, there are a couple of things I would like to share with you. I want to start by telling you, my beloved daughter, that I love you endlessly. I fell in love with you when I heard your heartbeat for the first time. I fell in love with you when you clutched to my bosom in the middle of the night. I fell in love with the way you smile, with how you smell, with every single piece of you because you are a part of me. You have to know that, to me, you are far more precious than the Kohinoor diamond. Alex, you are a blessing in my life and I’m forever grateful to God for proffering me the good fortune to be your mother.
Darling, you are not born with a silver spoon in your mouth. You are born with a sword in your hand. You are neither the hopeless princess of a disneyland nor the delicate sleeping beauty of a fairytale. No! You are not any of those. You are a warrior. A true warrior. You do not need someone to save your bacon because inside you lies all the might to guard yourself and others as well from the demons. You are that much admirably invincible, my goddess. You’re growing up to be a beautiful woman tomorrow. Seek not, my child, to be the evanescent beauty that pleases nothing but the eyes. I’d rather you seek to be the sempiternal beauty that pleases everything but the eyes. Oh dear! What fools these mortals be who acquiesce to society’s decree. Fair or ebony, tall or knee high to a gnat, it matters not; for beauty transcends the conventional to alight on a face- as fresh as the morning dew, to alight on lips- words they enounce soft and gentle and to alight in a heart- generous and tolerant. This is the unvarnished definition of beauty, love.
Being your mother, honey, I bestowed upon you this thing called ‘life’. Yet, you have to feel alive. And for you to feel alive, you should forge your own identity. You have been put on The Promised Land with a divine purpose. It is your cardinal mission to honour and give meaning to your life by discovering the reason for your existence. Once you uncover your ikigai, stick to it like a moth to the flame. Earn your livelihood around what spurs you to get out of bed at 5 a.m. You enjoy photography? Be a photographer. You enjoy cooking? Be a chef. I’d be proud if you choose to get your hands dirty just to keep your passion burning. Pour your heart into what you do, and I promise you will wear the crown in your chosen field one day. Do not get too comfortable settling. It’s like being trapped in a dark, scary room where you are screaming at the top of your lungs with no one to hear you. You don’t want that, do you? So, embrace challenges. Be on the go. Try. Rise. Fall. A thousand times over. Experience life-both with its lemons; and colourful spices and flavours. Flatline is for the dead.
Alex, you are bathing in the fountain of youth. You are just about to explore the different facets of your sexuality. Your sacred feminine spirit is calling on you to wear that little black dress, to do that gorgeous make-up or to dream of a charming prince on a white horse. However, there will also be moments of skepticism and disdain when you will feel like the ugliest creature on Earth, especially after watching The Oscars. It’s perfectly normal. Through it all, I want you to act responsibly with your body. You owe it to yourself. Your first kiss with your boyfriend might make you want to believe in French romance and the happily-ever-after kind of love. Why shouldn’t you anyway? But I want you to believe in second love, too. The kind of love that feels like hushed waves washing over a dry shore-yeah, it does exist. I’m not gonna ask you to look at the world through rose-tinted glasses. It’s also a cruel place here, my child. A pig-ignorant society will judge you. There will be men who will drool over your body. You must absolutely learn to say ‘no’ without apology. It is not your responsibility to smother the lingering lewd thoughts men have around your physical features or material attire. You are not accountable to me, let alone to your next-door neighbour, or your uncles and aunts. You are accountable to your conscience. Just do good no matter what and stay true to who you are.
A rich life is what you deserve, Alexandria. Travel to places you’ve never been before. Learn a new language. Read books. Laugh out loud. Do the bungee jump. Dance under the moonlight. Be goofy. Love fiercely. Eat your greens. Lift heavy. Rock your heels. You have but one life to make the most out of it. Baby, you are a powerhouse of intellect, courage and joy. You are a million stars under a sky. Sprinkle your angelic shine everywhere you go. Carpe diem!
I got your back!
N.B. The article has been written assuming the male is the over-possessive one. However, it can be either way.
Alright guys! Know that feel of getting super excited about walking in a zoo where you encounter a myriad of wild and uncivilised creatures? Well that’s exactly how it feels when you enter the vast dating world, the sole difference being that in the latter case, the excitement lasts just for one hundredth of a nanosecond. Yeah! Joking aside, I’ve very recently come out of a toxic, long distance relationship with an edgy, mentally deranged, over-possessive boyfriend. It was a highly unpleasant experience. By sharing the traumatic ordeal with you on this platform, I want you to grow, to learn and most importantly to discern. I try to build others up because I know what it’s like to be torn down.
Now, let’s get back to the main issue-What is over-possessiveness and why is it venomous in a couple? By definition, to ‘possess’ is to own, to control, to dominate. You can possess, thereby claim your right to ownership over a car, a house or a book. But you can’t possess an individual to keep her with you. Unlike an inanimate material object, a person is to be loved, valued, honoured and cherished in her own kingdom. Being over-possessive towards someone is therefore easily seen as a manifestation of one’s inherent weaknesses, limitations, insecurities, needs and fears. If you are in a relationship with an insecure person, most of your energy will be spent in constantly proving your sentiments to him. No matter how much you try to convince him of his awesomeness or to heal him with patience and compassion, all your efforts will go down the drain if that person doesn’t face his demons himself. Below are the forewarning signs that your boyfriend is over-possessive and why you, as a strong woman, need to take the exit door as soon as possible.
1. Every male is a potential threat to him.
-You go to the gym for workouts.
Translates to: You are kinkily sitting on your fitness instructor’s lap while he is demonstrating to you how to execute a proper bench press.
-You visit your dentist for a dental check-up.
Translates to: You are opening your mouth wide and giving him a blowjob inside the room.
-You strike a business deal with a partner.
Translates to: The businessman agreed to do business with you because you are sleeping with him.
-A family member genuinely compliments you.
Translates to: He is flirting with you.
Gross thinking! I know, right? But I’m telling you. An over-possessive person’s mind is always filled with such perverted suppositions and you’ll gradually begin to wonder if he is not actually the one involved in all those cheap deeds behind your back?!
2. He deprecatingly downplays your strengths, achievements and abilities.
The end goal of the persons involved in a healthy romantic relationship should be to inspire each other intellectually, emotionally, physically and spiritually. The relationship functions as one team. For all that, a goosey boyfriend who unfortunately ain’t got the brains God gave a squirrel will view your freedom, confidence and power to hold your own in the relationship a menace to his bloated ego. He will find ways to bring you down for being an independent badass without his help. Instead of motivating you and feeling proud of you, he will attempt to convince you that you are nothing without him. You scare his little pussy (insecure men have a pussy, don’t you laugh) because you are whole all by yourself. Now, can you imagine, my boyfriend has never ever complimented me for my looks or anything like that? 99% of the time I’m the one to initiate intimacy and Mr Insecure is either busy or not in the mood? The reality of truth is different. He is jealous, hence shying away from positive reinforcement.
3. He stalks you everywhere.
An acquaintance has ‘liked’ your picture on facebook? Great! World War 3 starts. You were last seen online on WhatsApp 16 minutes ago and accidentally missed replying to his message? You’re dead! You didn’t send him a good morning text the moment you woke up? Ah, then forget about having a proper conversation with him for the rest of the day. The psycho will inscrutably have an eye on each of your moves on social media and in real life.
He destroys your right to privacy and to your ‘me time’. He makes you feel untrustworthy by doubting your loyalty. If you encourage this demented behaviour by validating your faithfulness whenever he takes the odious liberty to point a finger at you, you’ll eventually reach a point where you have to ask for his permission before going for a piss. You’ll be engulfed with suffocation.
4. He creates drama in the relationship.
An over-possessive boyfriend is generally a selfish, demanding, inconsiderate brat who believes himself to be the absolute centre of the universe. He will go to any length to receive your undivided attention. He is more likely to engage in drama and wants you to partake in his horseshit that drains you of happiness, tranquility and bliss. He thinks that he is spicing up the relationship by bringing in tears, tension, suspense and stress.
But listen carefully girl! You can’t control his comportment. You don’t even want that burden. But you can refuse to play the second fiddle in his story. You have standards-they step up or they step out. Life is short. Peace of mind is a priority. Fuck him. Sometimes it takes balls to be a woman.
5. He tricks you into accepting that he is the ultra ‘beau idéal’.
He has a successful career, a nice house, a dick and is an excellent bathroom singer. So what? Does this give him the right to bully you and to make you feel worthless? Hello Mr, there are approximately 3, 571, 374, 099 males in the world, who are a million times more capable than you, willing to give away everything to be at your coveted place. Okay? Suck up this self-aggrandizing demeanor. A strong woman is with you out of choice, never out of need. An over-possessive person, because he sees you as his property, takes you for granted. Little does he realise that only a fool would gamble with something so rare and precious as a good woman’s love. Just because he is too self-absorbed and a control freak who cannot value you doesn’t mean that you are not valuable. A masterpiece does not stop being a masterpiece because the lights are off and the doors are closed.
6. He plays the victim to get his way.
My boyfriend had no qualms of conscience at all to apologize when he wronged me. Words like ‘Please’, ‘Sorry’ and ‘Thank You’ are alien to him because he is always right. As a matter of fact, mature masculinity is not abusive, domineering or grandiose but generative, creative and empowering. A real man is vulnerable without shame. He has learnt how to swallow his pride. He has learnt how to forgive. An over-possessive lunatic exhibits narcissistic traits with an exaggerated sense of self-importance. Filled with envy and arrogance, he will exploit you emotionally to get things done as he so desires. In a narcissist’s mind, they can never be the bad guy. They can never faulter. They can never sin. They are the most honourable saints to have trodden the planet.
7. He resorts to extreme measures to ‘punish’ you.
“When you love something, you don’t threaten it. You don’t punish it. You fight for it. You take care of it. You put it first.”-Leslie Knope
By default, an insecure person is always afraid that you are going to leave him for someone better. Therefore, he tends to keep you on your toes. The last thing he wants is for you to feel safe and secure in the relationship. It gives him pleasure to be above you in every way and when you feel insecure, it makes him secure in turn. The silent treatment, anger, aggressive talking and frequent threats of break-ups are some of the dangerous tools that he uses to keep you in his grip.
On a concluding note, an unsurpassable classic masterpiece unto itself, The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran is wisdom spoken.
MARRIAGE, pg 9
“Then Alrnita spoke again and said, And what of Marriage, master?
And he answerd saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be for evermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness.
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
Please like, comment, reblog and share if it’s worth it! Thank you!
“In an era of unprecedented global interconnectedness and ridiculous overexposure to technology, a private life is the hallmark of ultimate luxury.”
-The Little Mermaid, MMXVII
“The veritable competition never was, never is and never will be between you and another person. It is, au fond, all about ‘actual you’ versus ‘potential you’. Remember! In this game, you are either ahead of the curve or you are a diamond in the rough; and in both instances you do not draw to a close until victory is yours.”
–The Little Mermaid, MMXVII
I) This post is a humorous article written solely to get you incredible people to bust a gut; and should in no way be taken seriously.
II) Most examples are in the context of recent graduates.
III) All, I repeat, ALL situations and examples are ficticious.
INTERVIEW…the next word that immediately pops up in your mind when I say INTERVIEW is STRESS. It does not matter whether it is for the post of a CEO for a multinational or for a waiter at a street corner restaurant. You will be nervous before a job interview. Why? Well, obviously because you badly want the job but you know some ravenous monster is awaiting to eat your brains with the most annoying questions that have ever gone down in the history of job interviews. By the way, have you noticed that sinister, almost I’m-gonna-screw-you grin on an interviewer’s face before the meeting? I swear it literally inspires my inner serial killer. If you too have been victimized by a string of dumb questions in a formal setting at least once in your life, welcome to the club!
Anyway, let’s check out their lousy questions which warrant even lousier answers.
EA means expected answer (what the interviewer wants to hear).
HA means honest answer (what you would reply, if you had the balls).
1) Tell me about yourself.
EA- Be like Trump. Blow your own trumpet by talking about your education, previous work experience and proven success.
HA- I’m The Little Mermaid, a born winner. I started out as the sperm which won the race. I worked very hard to get to where I am in life today- an unemployed university graduate. I’m currently trying to finish writing a script for a porno movie but there are just too many holes in the plot.
2) Why do you want this job?
EA- Demonstrate how your skills match, show your enthusiasm for the job and explain how you fit into the culture.
HA- Firstly, I want the job to earn money to pay for my living expenses because I have always been so passionate about not starving to death. Secondly, I’ve heard your company has a vacancy and coincidentally, I am jobless. So, luck just happened to kiss me. Lastly, I was considering the marvellous idea of harvesting organs from homeless people to make ends meet. Unfortunately, it is illegal.
*Sweet Jesus, please grant me the power to deal with this bullshit for as long as eternity takes.
3) What special skill do you have?
EA- Reveal your strengths related to the job.
HA- I can twerk. Just kidding. That’s my sense of humour. You’ll get used to it.
Actually I’ve hacked your system and shortlisted myself for the interview. Now, can you imagine the damage I can do to your organisation by working for your rivalling competitor? I’m also great at multi-tasking. I can waste my time, be unproductive and day-dream all at once. Moreover, I have amazing ability to meet tight deadlines after an interminable procrastination session. These are a few of the many bankable fortes that I possess.
4) What is your greatest weakness?
EA- The trick is to turn a negative flaw into a positive.
HA- I worry too much. But I’m working on it. Next time something goes wrong, I’ll try blaming someone else for it. For instance, suppose I don’t get this job, it’d be all due to the crappy questions that you need to shove up to your arse.
5) What are your communication skills?
EA- List your oral and written communication aptitude.
HA- If you’ll pardon my french, my language proficiency includes: bitter sarcasm, pugnacious insults and inappropriate sexual satire.
*How did I end up here in this Tophet?
6) What are your hobbies?
EA- Talk only about the intellectual constructive hobbies that you are engaged in. And remember. Masturbation does not count.
HA- My pastimes are lying on the bed switching between the same three apps on my mobile phone for hours, listening to the same songs I’ve been listening to since 20 years, clicking hundreds of bathroom selfies per day and imagining myself in situations that will never exist in real life. I’m a very interesting person, aren’t I?
7) Where do you see yourself in five years?
EA- Show ambition, commitment and goal-orientedness, even if your sense of direction at the moment is like a headless chicken.
HA- I’m so glad you asked. Please allow me to bore you for several minutes with a lump of overly-optimistic nonsense about my future. I’ll either be happily sitting at your place, just asking better questions or win a Noble Prize for getting Black Rhinos to hump more. Either way, I plan to take over the world and my future is as bright as a pair of albino buttocks bathed in sunlight.
8) What is your idea of teamwork?
EA- Display your ability to work collaboratively and motivate others in the group as well.
HA- I was rather searching for a job where I’m politely ignored and left to my own devices with unlimited internet access, doughnuts and coffee. However, I understand the importance of teamwork, especially if you are bone idle. It allows a moocher to get favourable commendation from his or her boss for a job others slogged away every cell of their body at completing. Basically, teamwork is great.
9) Tell me about your professional experience.
EA- Highlight your past accomplishment and knowledge at previous jobs. Convey your excitement to transfer your skills to the post you have applied for.
HA- From the job advertisement, I gather that you are looking for someone aged 22-25 with thirty years of work experience. If you don’t mind me asking Sir, are you looking for a time traveller? This sounds really innovative on your part. Let me congratulate you. Now, to answer your question, frankly I do not have any job experience. Still, I have more degrees than a thermometer. I’m sure it would make up for the lack of hands-on involvement.
10) What are your salary expectations?
EA- The interviewer wants to know the minimum salary you will accept and see if you are aware of your value in the labour market.
HA- I want a job that would appreciate my exceptional talent. So, I expect to be paid above the median salary of your average employee. I think Rs 40 000 is reasonable to start with. As I prove my remarkable intelligence at work, you can add up to any amount of zeros, in your good judgement, as my increment.
11) What makes you think that you are the best candidate for this job and why should we hire you?
EA- Evince your passion for the job and praise the company profusely.
HA- Arrogance. End of story.
Phew! A job interview indeed puts everyone, the strongest and most sensible ones alike through the wringer. It’s not too bad, albeit I believe that the questions and answers that have been parroted for decades could be restructured in a more unconventional manner. There’s no royal road to securing a nice job in today’s increasingly competitive world; but if you are worth your salt, success is a sure thing. To those having upcoming interviews- Break a leg! Knock ’em dead!